Motherhood Competency Assessment. (One mom’s view, not validated, unofficial, just for fun.)

With Mother's Day coming up, I thought I would share a tongue-in-cheek competency model for all the moms out there. I created this as a conversation starter for a baby shower, for a corporate mom-to-be. (Send me a direct message for a formatted copy.) Sharing it, because I thought others might get a kick out of it. And perhaps a pay raise, because, heck, I know we're looking at 'Exceeds' across the board! 

COMPETENCIES

• Listening: Can distinguish ‘hungry’ cry from ‘hurt’ cry. Translates seemingly unintelligible mumble from a toddler into standard speech. (For Exceeds rating: **Can hear a teenager sneaking out of the house.)
• Medical/Nursing: Cares for sick child(ren). Able to dispense medicine when box labels are at a 6-point font, ability to trick a child with a hermetically-sealed mouth to take medicine. At doctor’s or with phone nurse, knows what questions to ask.
• Engineering: Performs toy assembly, battery extraction/replacement; ability to distinguish battery sizes.
• Provisioning: Maintains supplies. Of everything. In current size and two sizes up. (For Exceeds rating: **Near 100% availability of mission-critical supplies such as food, clothing, crayons.)
• Research: Identifies and consults authoritative source for critical information such as parenting strategies, potty-training, car seat safety/size/fit.
• Relationships: Maintains a strong network of informed parents and experts to rely on for support and information. Filters out the goofballs.
• Kin Keeping: Remembers birthdays and special occasions of extended family members. Consistent thank-you card writing, calling, and general checking-up. (For Exceeds rating: **Dresses child in sweater from grandma on day you are seeing grandma.)
• Creativity: Skilled in storytelling, dancing, game-inventing, character-creation, etc., 24/7.
• Celebration: Creates memories through celebration. Commemorates milestones; shares moments with loved ones.
• Nutrition: Provides breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack; some element of green, some semblance of ‘balanced’ diet; not discouraged by the picky eater. (For Exceeds rating: **Emergency banana in purse is always fresh.)
• Flexibility: Ability to adapt as the kid changes the rules on you; speed in reporting for duty at all hours, as needs arise.
• Career: Staying the course at work; creating a positive view of working. Models adulting.
• Cuddles: Hugs at the ready. (For Exceeds rating: **100% hug-ready posture.)
• Documentation: Maintains feeding/poo/pee schedule for baby. For older children, retains masterpiece artwork, photo books. (For Exceeds rating: **Scrapbooking.)

BEHAVIORS​

• Empathy: Connects. Controls emotions when sleep-deprived, awareness of triggers.
• Self-Control: Can bite one’s tongue when urged to curse; can eat virtuously in front of children while craving chocolate.
• Self-Care: Putting oneself first at least once in a while; modeling this for the kids.

TOLERANCES

• Mess: Glitter, piles of Legos, strewn about fill-in-the-blank.
• Noise: Especially screeching, crying, shouting, toys.
• Repetition: Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

This article was posted Sonia Checchia's LinkedIn articles on May 5, 2022.