A few doors down from my office, there was a red sticker that said “SAFE ROOM.” I understood it to be a Pride sticker, or a sign in solidarity with the LBTGQ community. Pride flags and stickers were common where I had worked prior. Until one day, when there was a fire in the adjacent parking garage, and I heard everyone saying, “Go to the safe room.’” Ah, ha! I had gotten my symbols crossed. It was a particular surprise because I thought cross-cultural savvy was my superpower. But there’s always more learning to do.
 
Misunderstandings of all sorts are inevitable as you start a new job. When you're ramping up in a new role, you get confused, and you confuse others. Over the years as a consultant, I have worked with many different clients, and I have become accustomed to meeting new people and groups regularly. There are a lot of common missteps that happen when you are new to a group or organization. Here’s what I have noticed…a few areas where people stumble.

1. Sense of time – When I first started supporting federal government clients, I was always late to meetings. It was because I was dialing in on time—i.e., connecting at 1:00 p.m. ET for a meeting scheduled at that time. Meanwhile, the others started connecting a couple of minutes early, so the meeting could start as the clock rolled over to 1:00 p.m. Needless to say, I adjusted quickly.
2. Terms of address – Americans have become more casual in recent decades, and most exchanges are on a first-name basis. But not all. When I worked at Booz Allen Hamilton a decade ago, everyone was called by their first name with one notable exception: Dr. Ralph Shrader, CEO. He was not the only PhD in the 25,000-person organization, but he was the only “Dr.” Over the years, I have noticed some former military colleagues stumble in this area. When entering a workplace where everyone is on a first-name basis, they struggle to edit out the “Mr.” or “Ms.,” which has the effect of creating distance and a power dynamic. You’re seating yourself at the kids’ table if you call your boss “Ms.” And no one else does. As uncomfortable as it may be, at work you want to do as others do. 
3. Email style – This may seem odd in the business world, but some organizations (hello, academia!) still treat email as letters. A message might start with “Dear…” and what follows is in traditional paragraph form. Other organizations treat emails more like text messages. Short and choppy. And that’s okay. It’s not disrespectful. It’s their way. Most of the places I work in do something in between—emails are on the shorter side, bulleted lists are abundant, and there’s a greeting at the top and a signature at the end. Usually the opening greeting is a “Hello, Sam,” and not a “Dear Sam.” And the closing is simply a “Thank you!” and not a more formal closing such as “Sincerely” or “Best wishes.”

 

What do you do when you are unsure of the custom in your new organization?

When in doubt, ask. “I am used to doing this____. What do you all do?” You'll find that everyone is an anthropologist at heart. We love talking about organizational quirks, business jargon, and workplace culture. And we never make time to do it.

Another great question, as you do your round of meet-and-greets, is to ask, "When you first started, where did you stumble?" People love to share stories of mishaps from their early days (and be sure to find out also how they recovered from the set backs). Asking and sharing these stories opens up a dialogue so others will feel more open to give you feedback later on, as well.
 
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It’s no surprise that most of the stumbling blocks I noted above relate to communication. We get work done through talk, and as a linguist and communications consultant, that’s what I am tuned in to notice. But...What have I left off the list?

As I child in gym class, I remember being instructed to take deep breaths as we did warm-up and stretching exercises. "Because breathing is so important." I also remember dreading the breathing exercises as much as sit-ups and the eight-minute mile. Fast forward a few decades, I became certified as a yoga instructor and happily did an entire unit on breathing. All while sitting on a hard wood floor. For hours. The difference was a few decades, yes. But it was also that I understood WHY breathing is so important. Someone took the time to explain to me how breathing is connected with the heart rate and nervous system. 
 
(If you are curious about why breathing is important…this Mindful.org article by Caren Osten Gerszberg explains it BEAUTIFULLY and was the inspiration for this blog post.)

On the one hand, it’s super important for leaders to clearly state what is important, and get everyone aligned on priorities. No one can argue with that. On the other, simply saying “it’s important," without any deeper discussion, is kind of like saying “because I said so.” It’s a power-play. Let’s face it. Who declares what’s important? The boss. Mom/dad. The teacher. Whoever is in charge. 

Incidentally, in the business world, "it's important" shows up in a few ways. It's also

• Strategic priorities
• Business drivers
• Goals
• Focus areas

I am not suggesting you edit out the word "important." I am suggesting that you don't stop there. Unpack it a bit. Here's what sharing more looks like:

1. A story > This is the time to pull out a compelling customer story or real business examples that illustrate the benefits, the positive impact, the real good that comes from it.
2. The data > A picture is worth 1000 words. That goes for charts and graphs, too.
3. A reminder of the vision > "We want to get to a place where we are able to ____, or where our customers are able to ____. This is a step in that direction."
4. Back & forth > Get the group talking about why it’s important to them. Hear what ideas surface. Listen like a trampoline. Bounce the ideas back. Now you’ve got momentum.

I have been ghost-writing for execs for years. The biggest compliment is not so much when a client says, “you make me sound good”—although I do love to hear it—it’s when someone repeats something I’ve written. That’s when I know it’s stuck. 
 
The majority of the work I do is behind-the-scenes. I am the one writing talking points for a panel discussion, drafting the executive topper that you see at the start of a newsletter or annual report, and drafting emails and PowerPoint slides that others will send or present. It’s more than just packaging and “prettying up” slides—my role is figuring out what to say and how to say it so the key messages are received.

​You have to put the tentacles out there and do a lot of sensing—to figure out where there are info gaps and get a pulse on the buzz in the organization. It also requires a high level of trust with the execs you support. In this role, what have I learned, and what does every busy executive need to know about how they communicate with their team?