I have been thinking a lot about advice lately.
I coordinate workshops, and after each event, I review the participant evaluations. After one event this year, the evaluations were mixed; some participants loved the speakers, while others were notably put off by them. Adjectives like "condescending" appeared on the narrative comments in the evaluations. A colleague of mine participated in the event and was surprised to see the mixed reviews. She asked me why I thought they'd received such feedback, and I think it all came down to one thing: the speakers gave a lot of advice. In doing so, they positioned themselves as people who knew more and who had the answers. (That's a dangerous position to put yourself in, even if you are leading a workshop on a subject you have done a lot of work in.) In doing so, they positioned the audience as people who needed to receive the advice.
I find that people only want advice in rare occasions. Most of the time, people are looking for a listening ear, for inspiration, or for a nice diversion. And when they do want advice -- you'll know it. You'll be ASKED to share it.
I can see how advice slips out so much in our conversations at home and work . In personal relationships, it's hard not to jump in with a solution when you see your friend, partner, or sister taking the wrong path. At work, there's so much pressure to speak like a leader and be assertive. With this said, I think advice is generally pretty useless. Unless you own your own solutions, goals, and time lines, you are not going to make any change.
As for me, I am going on an advice holiday. Want to come?
I coordinate workshops, and after each event, I review the participant evaluations. After one event this year, the evaluations were mixed; some participants loved the speakers, while others were notably put off by them. Adjectives like "condescending" appeared on the narrative comments in the evaluations. A colleague of mine participated in the event and was surprised to see the mixed reviews. She asked me why I thought they'd received such feedback, and I think it all came down to one thing: the speakers gave a lot of advice. In doing so, they positioned themselves as people who knew more and who had the answers. (That's a dangerous position to put yourself in, even if you are leading a workshop on a subject you have done a lot of work in.) In doing so, they positioned the audience as people who needed to receive the advice.
I find that people only want advice in rare occasions. Most of the time, people are looking for a listening ear, for inspiration, or for a nice diversion. And when they do want advice -- you'll know it. You'll be ASKED to share it.
I can see how advice slips out so much in our conversations at home and work . In personal relationships, it's hard not to jump in with a solution when you see your friend, partner, or sister taking the wrong path. At work, there's so much pressure to speak like a leader and be assertive. With this said, I think advice is generally pretty useless. Unless you own your own solutions, goals, and time lines, you are not going to make any change.
As for me, I am going on an advice holiday. Want to come?
