Years ago, we invited my uncle and family to dinner. The meal was delicious. My mom is an excellent cook.

My uncle commented that the meal was “restaurant style,” and my mom took offense. Was it a compliment? What did he mean by “restaurant style?”

At the time, no one asked him to clarify, and, years later, the family debate on the topic (still) sounds like this:

·      My mom is certain that her brother was not impressed. To my mom, a home cook takes care to prepare a meal with respect for quality and tradition; whereas, restaurants “throw things on a plate” to turn a profit.

·      I (and others) suspect he was complimenting the meal (at best) or inferring that the dishes were new or different (at worst). In Italy, restaurants are places where you’re introduced to a new flavor or a fresh spin on a traditional dish. You eat out to enjoy something you cannot (or would not) make yourself.

We’ll never know for sure if this was a cross-cultural misunderstanding or the case of an ungrateful guest.

How could a brother and sister have such a misunderstanding?

My mom grew up in Italy, but has lived in the U.S. for over fifty years. Her brother has lived in Italy his whole life.  They see each other infrequently, when my family visits Italy.

It’s possible that the cultural lens through which each of them is filtering the term “restaurant style” is different. I suspect that my mom’s cooking skills don’t factor into the discussion at all. It’s all about the cultural value you attribute to restaurants and eating out.

Clearly, there’s mixed opinion on the topic.

In the U.S., marketers play to both camps—those of us who wish we could prepare a meal as well as our favorite restaurants do, and those of us who long for home-cooked meals. A quick walk down any grocery store aisle will display some products boasting “home style” and others promising “restaurant style.”  

Which is your bias? How might it influence your shopping choices? Or your comments to a gracious host?

A yoga studio I follow posted this to their Facebook site: 

[We have] classes for everyone. We don't care if your overweight, aren't flexible, or have no experience.

What’s your reaction? Is it inviting or insulting?

I zeroed in on the word “overweight.”

I felt its punch like a smack in the face. Linguists refer to this as a 'face threat.' It is a statement that pushes me, the reader, down, i.e., by insulting me or impinging upon me in some way.

The "voice" of the studio is that of a fit, lean, healthy person…speaking to a fat person.  I'm not feeling the yoga solidarity here. Suddenly “difference” (their healthy weight vs. my extra few pounds) is called out in a bald way. On the record, they are putting me down!

The intent?

The studio wants to set a tone of inclusion. They know that yoga studios can be intimidating for the un-initiated. And they are trying to counter-act their “image,” i.e., lots of lean, limber people who seem to know their way around a sticky mat.

Back to the Facebook post. Why doesn’t it work?

You usually see marketing ploys to build up the 'positive face' of the reader. That is, use flattery all over the place to cultivate customers or encourage repeat business. It sounds something like this:

“You have exquisite taste ... you are a hipster ... you deserve it … So buy what we’re selling.”

What might work better?

I have found that yoga and the language of yoga is gentle and inclusive. Yoga instructors talk discretely in terms of “body types” vs. “fat” and “inflexibility.” They also emphasize the individual, non-competitive experience of yoga. This tends to disarm new people and create a comfort level in the studio. They also help orient new people to the "culture" of yoga in a positive way. It's true that yogis “stay on their own mats.” No one is looking around (much of yoga is an eyes-closed activity) making comparisons around the room as to “who’s better.”  So, play this up! 

I did a double take in Bed Bath & Beyond the other day. Baby - what? Bullet? Really? What do babies have to do with bullets? (I hope nothing!)

[For those of you who haven't seen it: This product is a mini food-processor. It's marketed to parents interested in pureeing wholesome food for their babies. Some research informed me of a related (parent!) product called the 'Magic Bullet.']

I got to wondering about the product name. Two options: 'Baby bullets' could either be small bullets (as in, smaller than the Magic Bullet) or bullets for babies. (It feels wrong even to type this!)

As I stepped back, I realized my angst is simply in placing the two words (baby+bullet) side by side. Ick! 'Bullet' makes me think guns, war, shooting, death. Certainly not homemade organic applesauce. What were the marketing folks thinking?

Of course, there's a good chance that the name doesn't bother anyone but me. (I should check out the product sales stats.) And there's a chance the product performs so well that new parents don't care what it's called. And, anyway, the packaging is very friendly. That smiley face won't shoot me. It couldn't possibly!