meta talk cafe
  • meta talk blog
  • about

Guest Post from Maria Checchia-Ciazza: Call for a new term for "Stay-at-Home Mom"

9/17/2013

2 Comments

 
Many thanks to Maria Checchia-Ciazza for this Guest Post: 

You want to stop conversation at a party? Tell someone you’re a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). Unless the person you’re speaking to is a SAHM herself, you’ll get one, maybe two weak questions back, such as, “How old are your kids?” Then, the person politely excuses him/herself to go grab another drink.

Why? Because a SAHM just sounds so darn boring!

First, there were "housewives," then "homemakers." And it was only in the early 1990s, when women rightly objected to both of those because they made raising children more about the home than the kids, did we start using the term “stay-at-home mom.”  To me, all these terms feel like a kick in the pants.

Is there a way to describe mothers and their relationship with the paid workforce without insulting them?

Stay-at-home mother? “Most of them are never home. Spend hours as unpaid taxi drivers!”

Working mother? “Of course, we are working every minute of every day!”

Non-working mother? “Seriously? No sick days allowed!”

Full-time mother? “How can you clock your hours?  Whether I am at home or work, I am always a mother!”

Here’s another thought.  How about the fact that society never feels the need to “label” fathers with “working” terms?

I would suggest that a replacement term has to meet two criteria. First, that it apply to men as well as women. Second, that it include those who are parents and those who are not. Our social ideal should be a work/life model where everyone shapes a career that includes times where we work full-force and times when we kick back, and our words should be consistent with that. They should embrace the sense of ebb and flow, more and less that are the truth of most of our lives, rather than the stop and start, one or the other, that are unrealistically divisive.

Aren’t we, as a culture, free to come up with a new word to refer to stay-at-home parents?  Here are some I've heard:   “domestic goddess,”  “primary caregiver,”  and “domestic engineer.”

Maybe, we should simply change the term SAHM and make it the French, “C’est une mere chez soi.”

Whatever the term, it’s past time we find one.  Any suggestions? 


2 Comments
Sonia Checchia
9/17/2013 04:13:00 am

Maria, Thanks for opening up this discussion. I have heard the term "Stay-at-Home Dad" (SAHD) and have seen it on LinkedIn profiles, too. I think Dads have a similar challenge.

In any case, I agree with you. It's time to rethink the label. I'd love for that change to come from within the community of SAHMs & SAHDs.

The thing that strikes the linguist in me is that the *focus* is on *home* in the older terms homemaker and housewife. The focus is on *mom* in the SAHM. I think the shift in focus marks progress — away from the physical "domain" (i.e., house/private domain vs. work/public domain) to the primary job being done (i.e., motherhood).

I believe SAHM is problematic because it's an official label for someone who has "opted out" of work. Culturally, we don't value that. The default is: Everyone has a paid job.

What could work better? Or can we simply come up with a new conversation starter for parties? How can we get to know someone if we don't ask, "What do you do?" (I can think of a dozen other questions that are way more interesting to talk about than work.)

Reply
Sonia Checchia
9/25/2013 04:49:09 am

On second thought: this reference list of examples of words whose meanings have shifted over time (http://cla.calpoly.edu/~jrubba/395/semchng.html) shows that the word "hussy" at some point meant "housewife." The meaning shifted--such that the word carries a negative charge now. By comparison, this makes the term "housewife" sound not so bad!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    March 2021
    May 2020
    November 2019
    September 2018
    February 2018
    April 2015
    February 2014
    November 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    July 2012
    February 2012
    December 2011
    December 2010

    Check out

    Lingthusiasm Podcast
    Superlinguo Blog
    Career Linguist Blog & Resources

    Categories

    All
    Advice
    Authenticity
    Branding
    Business
    Communication
    Compliments
    Cross Cultural
    Customer Service
    Dispersed
    Economy
    Employee
    Executive
    Family
    Intercultural
    Jargon
    Linguistics
    Marketing
    Networking
    Politeness
    Positioning Power Workplace Conversation
    Virtual
    Workplace
    Writing

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.