Everyone expresses politeness in their own way. We do it everyday in conversation. Phrases like "please" and "thank you" can certainly lubricate the social experience, but there are endless ways to layer any conversation with politeness, and we can get quite creative depending on the type of conversation, who we are talking to, how we we know each other, power dynamics, etc.
Lately, I've been hearing a lot of, "actually," followed by, "you're wrong..."
A couple examples:
Sonia: Excuse me, is this the way to the library?
Helpful student: Actually, you need to take the next street.
or
Sonia: Can I return this at any time, if I save the receipt?
Salesperson: Actually, that's a final sale item.
I am now looking out for "actually" as a gentle word that *points* to the correction, or the phrase that sets the record straight. For a little word, it does a lot of work. It softens the blow (to come), e.g., the "you're wrong," and helps you prepare to "hear" what's next, e.g., the "correct" info that you have to hold onto. I wonder if it's the new "please" and "thank you?"
Lately, I've been hearing a lot of, "actually," followed by, "you're wrong..."
A couple examples:
Sonia: Excuse me, is this the way to the library?
Helpful student: Actually, you need to take the next street.
or
Sonia: Can I return this at any time, if I save the receipt?
Salesperson: Actually, that's a final sale item.
I am now looking out for "actually" as a gentle word that *points* to the correction, or the phrase that sets the record straight. For a little word, it does a lot of work. It softens the blow (to come), e.g., the "you're wrong," and helps you prepare to "hear" what's next, e.g., the "correct" info that you have to hold onto. I wonder if it's the new "please" and "thank you?"
